My neck muscles are uncomfortably tense. It feels like I could pluck them like guitar strings. I’ve tried ibuprofen, Icy Hot, stretching, and sternly worded rebukes, but my chin is still drawn involuntarily down to my sternum. The point where my neck connects to my chest muscles is sore. I would like to get some sleep, but it’s surprisingly hard to breathe in this position.
DUMBEST. INJURY. EVER.
Random vent
Just because someone does not “have a family” does not mean his/her time is less valuable.
I’ve discovered Google’s advanced photo editing.
I don’t actually look anything like this at all, but whoever this is, she looks nice.
Maybe a little plastic…
I’ve had this phone a month, and I’m still finding out things it can do. Like a Holga filter? Who knew?
But more importantly, is my neck really that long and skinny, and is it possible I’m a giraffe? Or maybe a Lego? I could be a Lego.
This is Alice. She is a dude magnet.
Also this side. Note the race bibs and medal.
8 hours later, my bedroom finally looks like it belongs to a grown up.
Except for all the Ikea furniture.
Today’s Agenda:
- Go to Ikea specifically for a shoe rack.
- Spend 3 hours and $170 at Ikea.
- Come home without a shoe rack.
- Swear a lot.
The Zakim is my favorite bridge.
I’m watching a Portlandia behind-the-scenes show and it’s really hard to tell which parts are behind the scenes and which parts are the show.
Also, I really want to go to Portland.
I love my friends, but I hate it when they invite me to their weddings.
I can’t go. I feel sick those days.
In July.
This is exactly what her speeches sound like. All of them.
- Kally: remember that food show that always has really weird speakers that have nothing to do with food?
- like last year, there was Sully Sullenberger and Sinbad
- and the year before that was George W Bush?
- Levon just told me that this year, it's Sarah Palin.
- Tim: super
- Kally: I kind of want to hear what she says about the restaurant industry
- Tim: you betcha
- Real american cuisine like the olive garden and the taco bell, donchaknow
- Kally: something about small business and how taxes are bad and crazy environmentalists who believe in organic farming and lipstick on pitbulls.
- Tim: none of the east-coast liberal elitist food like FAY-LAFF-ELZ or AROOGALUH
- Kally: FAY LAFF ELZ ARE MUSLIM FOOD THAT OBAMA EATS.
So I’m setting up my new phone …
This is only my second smartphone, and since I’m moving from Android to an iPhone, nothing really transferred over, so I have to redownload all the apps and set them up. Which is a pain, because now I’m trying to remember throwaway passwords I came up with two years ago.
One of the apps I reinstalled was HeyTell, which is a walkie-talkie app that I use fairly infrequently, and only with a couple of people, but it’s free and it’s fun, so what the hell. And I sent messages to the two people I tend to use it with, just to be sure it’s working.
Anyway, long story short, Kally’s entire office just said hi to me in unison and I’m pretty sure I need to get a job there because her coworkers are awesome.
It’s true. My coworkers are, in fact, awesome.
I just went to the office of the VP of Marketing, where there as a meeting going on, and I asked everyone to yell, “Hey Rich!” in unison, and they did, and then they continued their meeting.
They are accustomed to my silliness. Immediately prior to that moment, I was eating skittles from the motion sensor candy dispenser and discussing fake band names with the chef. Awesome.
Plus. You know. All the soup I can eat. So…
francofile replied to your post: Someone should tell Richard what a period is. Do you want to be the one to explain it to him or do I have to?
A period is a punctuation mark used to denote the end of a declarative or imperative sentence. Would you have subtitles on the movie to show the sentence structure? Are they librarian and schoolteacher puppets? I’m not sure how the model helps….
Tim, we lived together for 3 years!
How is this still a mystery to you??
When I worked at Starbucks, one of my coworkers was widely known to be the hottest guy in the world. He had olive skin, black hair, grey-blue eyes, high cheekbones, and a very carefully calculated amount of scruff to balance his pretty face with a slightly rugged, unkempt style. He was perfect.
We would ask him to mix the mocha because he would flex his big biceps. On my first day, he told me that my name was begging him to sing the Name Game, and I turned to putty immediately. He got two or three Missed Connections on Craigslist every day.
He was also brilliant, wrote amazing poetry, and was just nice. We went to a haunted house one Halloween where he allowed me to use him as a human shield from the zombies. I hated that haunted house, but I would totally do it again if it meant I got to manhandle Lovely Jesse again.
Starbucks had these little cards that they encouraged the partners to give each other as praise. The front says things like “KNOWLEDGEABLE ” and “GENUINE,” and you write in the reasons why on the back. This one says “WELCOMING” on one side, and this note. I found it in my jewelry box this morning and felt inspired to send the photo to Lovely Jesse (mostly to remind him that I still exist). He texted back, “Was that a euphemism?”
LOVELY JESSE MADE A SEX JOKE. LOVELY JESSE MADE A JOKE IMPLYING THAT WE HAD SEX. OMG WHY AM I BLUSHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW?
